The 2020 film The Father is not a fun watch. Anthony Hopkins plays a man named Anthony whose dementia is slowly consuming everything: his memories, his sense of where he is, his grip on who the people around him even are. The movie puts you inside that experience in a way that’s genuinely disorienting. And for anyone who has watched a parent or grandparent go through something similar, it hits close to home.
On this episode of 82 Toothpicks, Ethan, Thad, and the Ambers watched The Father as part of Elder Law Month, and the conversation that followed was one of the more personal the show has had. The film isn’t just a story about dementia and estate planning as abstract concepts. It’s about the toll it takes on a family, the impossible decisions a daughter has to make, and the legal documents that could have made all of it at least a little less chaotic.
Anthony needed documents. He needed them years before the movie started. And by the time anyone could see how badly he needed them, he no longer had the capacity to sign them.
In This Episode
- How dementia strips a person of testamentary capacity — and what that actually means
- The legal documents Anthony didn’t have: healthcare power of attorney, financial POA, HIPAA release, living will, and more
- When a power of attorney isn’t enough — and guardianship or conservatorship becomes the only option
- The caregiver burden: how dementia affects the whole family, not just the person with the diagnosis
- A fascinating contrast — the film is British, and in the UK, Medicaid planning doesn’t exist
He Didn’t Know His People or His Stuff
The most important legal concept in this episode isn’t a specific document. It’s capacity. And The Father illustrates the loss of it better than any textbook definition could.
Testamentary capacity (the legal standard for signing a will) requires that you know two basic things: who your people are, and what your stuff is. That’s the floor. It’s the lowest bar in the room. And Anthony can’t clear it. He thinks his daughter Lucy is still alive and traveling as an artist. He doesn’t know whose flat he’s living in. He accuses a caregiver of stealing his watch, then walks out of his bedroom wearing it.
“Testamentary capacity says all you have to know is who your people are, and what your stuff is. And he doesn’t know either of those things.”
— Ethan, Episode 53, 82 Toothpicks
That’s the hard truth the movie keeps circling back to. Anthony is charming, sharp-tongued, and capable of putting on a show for a new caregiver. But underneath it, he’s completely lost. And the legal system isn’t set up to help someone who’s already there; it’s set up to honor the decisions they made before they got there.
The Documents He Needed Before the Movie Started
The team played a game this episode called Name That Document. Ethan described scenarios from the film and asked the group to name the legal solution. It was a good game. It was also a quiet way of showing how many gaps Anthony had.
Anne — his daughter — can’t legally manage his bank accounts without a financial power of attorney. She can’t talk to his doctor without a HIPAA release. She can’t override his refusal to move to a care facility without a court-ordered guardianship. If a judge has to get involved to sort out confused financial transactions, that’s a conservatorship. And if doctors are asking whether Anthony should be on a ventilator, there had better be a living will spelling out exactly what he wanted.
Every one of those documents could have been signed when Anthony still had capacity. None of them were. So Anne is left managing a parent in crisis with no legal authority and no clear roadmap.
“This dude needed some documents before the movie started.”
— Thad, Episode 53, 82 Toothpicks
Blunt. But accurate.
It’s Not Just About the Person with Dementia
One of the things that makes this episode worth listening to is the personal dimension. One of the Ambers talked about watching her mom spend more than a year helping care for her grandma: managing medications, showing up at the facility every day, and handling the financial and medical logistics even after the move to a care home. Life reorganized itself around a parent’s decline.
The film captures that ripple effect well. Anne’s husband is frustrated. Anne is stretched impossibly thin. Anthony keeps firing the caregivers she hires. She eventually leaves for Paris, or tries to, and Anthony ends up in a nursing home. Whether she went because she wanted to or because she had no other option, the movie leaves deliberately unclear.
The point is that dementia doesn’t just happen to the person with the diagnosis. It happens to everyone around them. Planning in advance, having those documents signed, having those conversations early doesn’t eliminate the hard stuff, but it removes one layer of chaos from an already chaotic situation.
One Interesting Wrinkle: This Is a British Story
The Father is set in London, and Ethan flagged something worth noting: the film’s legal context is different from ours. In the UK, universal healthcare means that nursing home costs at a certain level of need are covered. Anne doesn’t face the financial pressure of figuring out how to pay for Anthony’s care that an American family would.
In the US, that pressure is often what keeps families from making the care decision they know they need to make. Medicaid planning, which involves protecting assets while qualifying for long-term care coverage, is a significant part of what elder law firms do here. In Britain, that type of law essentially doesn’t exist. The hosts found that contrast genuinely fascinating, and it’s worth sitting with.
Questions Worth Asking
If The Father made you think about your own family situation, here are the questions the episode keeps circling back to:
- Does the person who should make decisions for you (medical and financial) actually have the legal authority to do so?
- Have you had a conversation about where you want to be if you can’t live independently? Does anyone have the legal standing to act on that?
- If you have aging parents, do you know what documents they have? Do you know where they are?
- Are you waiting for a crisis to start these conversations?
Anthony’s situation wasn’t hopeless because he had dementia. It was hopeless because he had dementia and no documents. Those are two separate problems. Only one of them is preventable.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
If this episode hit close to home, it’s worth a conversation. Huizenga Law Firm works with Iowa families navigating elder law, incapacity planning, and long-term care — before the crisis hits and after. Reach out at (712) 737-3885 to schedule a free consultation.
And if you haven’t listened to the episode yet, press play above. The discussion goes places the blog post can’t quite reach.
While you’re here, grab Ethan’s It’s Not Too Late book series. All three books are full of practical, plain-language guides for protecting your family and your legacy. Available at itsnottoolatebooks.com.
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